:: Poetry ::

:: Tuesday, June 25, 2002 ::

Josh, you kid.
:: Sean 6/25/2002 04:08:00 PM [+] ::
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Thanks for the comments, Sean, and there's no worry about your "getting schooled" on what you missed. You missed nothing. As usual, you put your finger right on the problems. I now return to the poem with a sense of renewed hope that it doesn't have to be incinerated in order to improve it. Thanks for the help--

And Josh, don't sweat it. I think we've all been kind of buried under this, that, or the other (I prefer the "other" personally), but I do hope we keep this clambake going.
:: Rob 6/25/2002 12:45:00 PM [+] ::
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Good to hear from you both. I have a copy on the "cold men" poem in my little notebook which is a good sign. I've been marking on it lately. So far my thoughts are that that "cold men" line is for me a bit cute. (This coming from the guy who wrote that "personals" poem). I don't mean throw the book into the fire cute, but I wonder if that doesn't detract for some readers from the fantastic next few lines about the oak. I loved that. Really solid line break. I got my copy out, so I'll go ahead and go. I usually rely on Josh or Paul or You to help me see things that I should have, but I wonder if putting the infinitive "to drown" doesn't make the reader work too hard. Or the problem is for me with the semi-colon. But then I got confused with the "their" in the last stanza. I love it from the second line of the last stanza on--"lamping black . . . sea-shimmer . . . a lens of glass" "sails of shroud" all that is good shit. I think I also got confused with the second line of the second stanza--is the narrator waiting? I think the ships are waiting, and I assume they're imagined, and maybe "imagines" not "sees" would help the simple folk. I think I'll go ahead and put this up and be prepared to be schooled about what I missed. I'm feeling dim.
:: Sean 6/24/2002 07:26:00 AM [+] ::
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I'd be up for more workshopping; it's been helpful and entertaining. However, it would be nice to get some feedback on these poems before we moved on to something else.
:: Rob 6/19/2002 12:33:00 PM [+] ::
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Yeah, Rob. Way to go. It was fun before you came in and ruined it. But really. I wanted to say I'm sorry I haven't been talking at all lately. I just got out of the habit of looking I guess. We could get the band back together and try again, or say, job well done. What do you guys think. I'm at Conway for the summer, very bored, so I'm up for more workshop. Peace. Oh, yes, a new and sparling Nancy cd is out, "Who's Your Boyfriend Now?" is the title, and I even like it.
:: Sean 6/17/2002 09:12:00 PM [+] ::
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Wow, two months, and no talky talky. My stellar versification brought this workshop to its knees like a bad, bad girl.
:: Rob 6/11/2002 02:55:00 PM [+] ::
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